Many Prayers Answered

Well, I have to start somewhere, right? After much prompting from my mother, I have decided to start a blog for our new babies, scheduled to arrive sometime around Thanksgiving 2009. I'd like to start from the beginning of it all, which is in 2007. A testimony I read in church pretty much sums up the first part of my story. Here it is:

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be whole and complete, lacking nothing.” These words, taken from James 1:2-4, have taken on a very special and personal meaning in my life over the past year.

My story actually begins about two years ago in early 2007. I remember feeling like I wanted more compassion in a number of ways, and so I prayed that God would make me a more compassionate person. Although I never could have imagined it, a series of sad and terrible events in my life have been a perpetual answer to that prayer.

After trying for what seemed like ages to get pregnant, we were just ecstatic to find out that we would be having a baby in May! We sat at our first doctor’s appointment, just giddy to see our miraculous little bundle of joy appear on the ultrasound monitor. When the doctor started to say things like “hmmm”, and “I’m not sure what this means”, time seemed to slow down, until we heard her say, “I’m sorry, there is something wrong here. There is no baby.” “It appears you have a rare condition called a molar pregnancy. We will need to monitor you very closely for the next 6 months.” She slowly reached out to hold my hand while the reality tried to sink in. The next moments, my thoughts vascillated between, “Well, maybe I can handle this. After all, I never really knew this child.” And the opposite extreme “6 months? But we’re ready NOW! How are we going to pass the time? We already were eager to meet this child!”

The ride home was completely numb. No feeling. Nothing. Just a surreal out-of-body emptiness. Sure, there were tears, but even then, I thought, it’ll be a couple of weeks, and we’ll be over it.

The next weeks and months, my feelings stampeded to catch up with me. I finally felt like I began to understood what had happened and what it meant. Although it would take a full 8 or 10 months for me to hit bottom, I was beginning to realize that I was NOT in control of my life, and that it would take a lot of trusting in God to get me through everything. I decided then that my prayer to God would be that He would make unmistakably clear to me what He wanted me to learn through everything. I particularly like the words of a song I know: “May the treasures of the trial form within me as I go.”

As the first weeks went by, the news was all good—my body was rapidly returning to normal. Until one afternoon, when the doctor called and mentioned that this crazy thing had decided to come back in the form of a cancerous growth. I would require a mild form of chemo until the growth was gone, and then we would be required to wait an additional 12 months before we could even begin to think about having a baby. Of course, the growth was entirely treatable, but someone might as well have told me it wasn’t. It was all the same to me, I had no control of my life, and suddenly everything was completely uncertain. The realization that I was not in control seemed at first a curse, but eventually turned out to be one of the greatest blessings God could have ever given me.

In the coming weeks and months, resentment crept into my life. Despite my prayers for God to take away my bitterness, I began to be inwardly angry at teenage mothers, and basically anyone who complained about their kids, ignored their kids, refused to care for or discipline their kids, or took them for granted in any way, shape, or form. Over and over again, I prayed that the Lord would remove these feelings of animosity, and He did! One day, they were just altogether gone. My persistence paid off! As He always is, God was faithful.

Looking back at this past year, I now know that Lord’s plan is far greater than my own—He has taught me patience, empathy, and compassion—all virtues that I honestly needed a lot more of. And in teaching me these, he was answering past prayers, although not in a way I had ever hoped for or imagined. The blessings that have come out of such a sad situation have far outweighed the inconveniences, and I would not change anything even if there were a way I could go back. I have been able to enjoy one of the best summers I have ever had, go on the church mission trip to Louisiana, become closer to my husband, and BEST of all, drawn nearer to the Lord through prayer, scripture, Bible study, and the kindness of so many people.

I also believe that He will use this story—my story—to bring himself glory. If and when the time ever comes that we have a healthy baby, the joy we will experience will be unlike anything we’ve experienced before. We will be so thrilled at what the Lord has done. These thoughts are what have kept me going every day. (compiled over 2007 and 2008)

The story continues in 2009. Well, as you can see from the title of this blog, we are now pregnant with TWINS! Due on Thanksgiving Day 2009! Many people have gone so far as to ask whether this was the result of fertility drugs or treatments. Although I do not think that anyone should have to answer that question, I feel compelled to share that we did not...it was purely the hand of God...a special answer to many persistent prayers! We feel so thankful to Him and overwhelmed by this special gift that it would be difficult to convey in words.

This is not to say that any babies born with the help of fertility drugs are not the work of God's hand. We just feel especially amazed, given our unique situation.

I think that's about it for now. I'll have to post some belly pics soon!